Good afternoon. It is almost September, and it has been an eye-opening summer. However, therapy is really helping, the mental and physical pain are at an all-time low, and I seem to have a little bit of hope. But I continue to struggle with emotionality. I have a tool-basket full of tools. I know what to do when things in my brain get out of control....but I am so tired of always having to stay one step ahead of myself in keeping the "runaway train from jumping off the track".
I guess it could be a lot worse. I could be immersed in an addiction. Or have diabetes. Or breast cancer. Or live on the streets. I have the biggest trouble with my ruminating. About my life.
Past - Present - and Future. I am waking up at 3:00am, lying there in a semi-conscious state for about 3 hours, falling back into a troubled sleep, and not wanting to get out of bed until about 10:00am. And THAT'S NOT GOOD FOR ME.
I have been reunited with an old friend, after a 20-year estrangement. I am grateful about that. But the family Trauma-Drama. No way will I be able to swallow that for much longer. And I cannot do anything about it. I can't change it or cure it. But I do live with how it affects my significant other. It comes out in negative energy. Don't get me started. I'll talk your ears off.
I'll talk again when I am in a better space. Maybe tonight.
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