Depression

I'm depressed. It is cold, dark and dreary. My mother is indifferent to the fact that her husband, my stepfather, verbally abuses me because of the upset to my mother that my emotional disorder disorder has brought to their marriage. My mother confirms: the older he gets, the more that he cannot hide his contempt for me. My therapist and sponsor and brother and significant other all tell me to stay away from their home. My mother does not seem to let this disrupt her life. I on the other hand, am depressed and withdrawn. I do not like to go out. I do not like to get out of bed in the mornings. The message LOUD AND CLEAR IS: "I am not okay. I am an undesirable. I can be verbally abused because I deserve this treatment." And no one knows this is going on. It is just like when I grew up....my mother did not acknowledge the terrible things my father did to me. I am damaged beyond belief and repair. I get little enjoyment out of my life. I am not worth very much. I want to cut and cause others to hurt as I have been made to hurt. This late in life, I just want it to be over now. And it never is. I have third-degree burns where I should have skin.