Emotionally, I am hungover. The last 5 days have been emotional turmoil over dealing with the extended family. My therapist wants me to start attending Al-Anon. DBT Group, AA meeting, AA workshop, therapy, meditation group and now add Al-Anon. Sometimes, it just seems like I spend so many of my waking hours on self-improvement or maintenance of my spiritual condition. I'm still trying to get my meditation book published. My mother's birthday is tomorrow. Her husband is very dysfunctional. I cannot be around him any longer. A face-to-face with the 4 of us brought no positive results. Only a half-assed promise to mind his "p's" and "q's". He said I "didn't have a life". He told me I controlled his household. I did not feel good afterwards. He called the meeting to (I thought) make things better. They only solidified in my mind that he was a jerk, said inappropriate things to me and didn't care what problems he caused. He calls himself a religious person. I don't want any part of it.
And the other side of the family: brutal words came from the mother of the grandchildren. No attempt to modify her actions, tone, affect or choice of words. I wanted to disappear in the floor. I just wanted it to be over. She actually extricated an "amends" from me for something I didn't do. I was only protecting myself by given her want she wanted. I hated myself afterwards, and have continued to feel like I was raped all week. It's hell if I do and hell if I don't. I have been suicidal. I have wanted to cut myself. I went to DBT group and therapy. I was told I needed to take better care of myself. That could mean stay away.
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