It was a Difficult Year

Good Morning and Season's Greeting! I am trying to end this year on an upbeat notes--this year has been the most gut-wrenching year I have lived through in over 5 decades. The death of a very mean step-father, my mother's adjustment, a lawsuit filed and won by my mother, dementia creeping into her life. Her privilege to drive was taken away by a governing body of professionals; her move to Assisted Living, and the preparation and emptying of her house in hopes of selling.

Dealing with all of this as a recovering Borderline and recovering Alcoholic made it no more bearable. My mother's behavior was impossible to deal with. I have been in new territory this entire year. However, there have been Angels with skin on who have helped me all the way. Estate liquidators, contractors, painters, electricians, therapists, sponsors, close friends who have all travelled with journey with me and been supportive. My family, on the otherhand, was not. My brother flew out to visit my mother, and wouldn't even see or acknowledge his own sister. (me) The pain of the rejection is something that this Borderline found impossible to deal with. I have not participated in Christmas preparation, however I did do Christmas cards with a little note inside each about how we were doing.

I want to run. I want to hide. I want out. The pain is choking me. I keep going to DBT, AA and Al-Anon and meditating. I do not know what else to do. It is one hour at a time for me. If I can do it, you can too.  Merry Christmas!