Epi-Phany

Hello and Good Evening. I had an epiphany today. Maybe God did not want me to help "further the economy" by working in the business world. Maybe that is not where I am to be effectively used. Climbing a corporate ladder, spiffing up my 401k, and helping a company's bottom line is not to be my concern any longer. But I got a Master's Degree --what OF that? So? Big deal. That counts for something. Somewhere. It has been rough to swallow that I am on Social Security Disability now--but it helps, and I have "earned" it.

Now I spend my days trying to find meaning. To do service work. To help others. To recover from everything that afflicts me. To carry the hope and message and my experience to those who still suffer. Hmm. It could be that my task for the remainder of my life is to help others on a more spiritual plane. To seek the truth about onesself, and how we got to where we are is a giant step in the evolving of our person, and mankind as a whole.

Sounds kinda cool. Then I DO count. I can share what I have learned, and help others that way. Sure, I will never know to what extent that I have made a difference...but it isn't really for us to know, is it? The One who knows is all whom is really concerned. We just do what we can, and try to help others help themselves. I will like what I have been given - even if it was not the original plan.

Borderline Awakening to March

Good evening. Life has been kinda messy these last few months. Life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% how you handle it. True! I take responsibility for my actions. I am starting with a new therapist. One retired, one went to a different job. Twice in 7 months. This is not easy for me. And, I am trying to get my health insurance change-over straightened out. Many, many hoops I've jumped thru. 'Way too many people not do their job as promised. I am holding on, however. I still meditate. I create art. I help people when I can, without co-dependent motives. I guess I'm doing ok. But what about my Borderline mother? She's aging, and not outgrown it and never sought treatment or therapy. She continues with her theatrics. I am so done with this. Adult children of alcoholics remain loyal to people, long after it is even deserved by them. 

I listen to and stick with the winners. I try to not let my self-esteem suffer at the dysfunctional "others". I am a good person. I chose to get well. I will not let the sick ones pull me down with them. I will keep working the Skills of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. I will try to be fulfilled and happy. I will keep working on my unknown purpose in this life. I am giving it all my best shot.

I look to the promise of Spring-time coming. I continue to amaze myself at my resiliency.